The battle I’ve been having has always been from within. Whether it has been not being able to go to school last semester or making mistakes, I’ve always been so hard on myself to be this better person and that I’m not good enough the way I am. I am forgiving myself for the numerous mistakes I’ve made for the way I let things affect me or the decisions I’ve made that haven’t been the best. I can’t be at war with myself forever because ultimately I’m destroying myself when I do that. I’ve been doing that for a very long time. I don’t want to hate myself for things I cannot change but to learn from them and grow. I want to get better.

i think all the time what you would do, how you would handle situations because let’s be real, no one enjoyed life quite like you. i know you’re watching over us, which brings me some comfort, but it isn’t fair that you couldn’t stay and were nothing but light in this world while people like me get to be here with so much darkness. i want to be better for me, because i know that’s what you would want and i will try everyday to make this world a better place like you always did. 

Gonna go ball my eyes out real quick considering I can’t afford these tests and visits. I give up.